NO gynaecologist or doctor worth his or her salt, would leave a young woman like you with the options of painful sexual intercourse or no intercourse at all. This is not tolerable practice and it is not GOOD practice.

I would be getting slightly irritated (to say the least) about their concept of ‘can’t do it, won’t do it’, and I would be asking for them to consider me for any treatments that are available (that would still leave me with a good chance of future pregnancy) that would shrink the fibroid to the point where intervention would be possible. You need to actually say the words ‘this is intolerable and my life is being affected by this lack of action on my behalf’.

Your call.

Good luck.
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regarding your update: is there any chance you could just throw caution (and some dreams) to the wind, and decide to start a family now with your partner? So many women talk themselves out of a baby, by over-discussing it and over-worrying about how they will ‘cope’. We ALWAYS cope. My own sister delayed trying to get pregnant in favour of a good job and a nice home (she has endometriosis) – she was strongly advised to get pregnant as soon as possible (pregnancy severely disrupts or destroys endometriosis), and yet should just wouldn’t commit to a baby – it was always ‘later’. Later never came, of course. The endometriosis had left her infertile. Twenty is a fine age to have a baby or start preparations for having one (in your case, those preparations would include dealing with your fibroid). You will never be as young, strong and healthy as you are now, and therefore your chances of a good recovery from your surgery are high. If you CAN, go for it, whilst you still can. All the best again.